An Experiment Failed

My periods were never particularly regular. When I was a teen, I had a steady boyfriend and a desire to go to college, so I got on the birth control pill.

The relationship ended when I went to college, so I got off the pill. Big mistake. My periods were all over the map. Eventually despite being at a Jesuit institution, I went back on the pill to try and regulate things.

It wasn’t until I was actually TRYING to conceive that I discovered I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS for short.

I’m not as severely affected as some women, but getting pregnant was no picnic. I was fortunate to live in a state that mandated health insurers pay for fertility drugs.

Now that we’ve had as many kids as we can mange (and some days I’m not sure we can manage the 2 we have), I’m dealing with the other issues. The weight gain, the facial hair and the mild case of depression.

I’ve consulted my regular physician and an endocrinologist, but all the so-called “cures” seem to be worse than the symptoms. It has long been suggested that I go back on the pill. I’ve staunchly refused. I don’t need any more weight gain and frankly the pill kills my sex drive. We’re finally getting back into a good groove in that department and I don’t want to ruin it.

Then one night on TV, I don’t get to the TIVO remote fast enough and a commercial comes on for YAZ, a new birth control that is supposed to help with menstrual mood swings. Hmmmmm, they caught my attention. At my next physical, I discuss it with my doctor and she agrees it is worth a shot. She says this iteration of the pill has a diuretic, so the weight gain isn’t an issue and, that there have been no reports of the libido crushing of other pills.

Ok, let’s give this a shot. Maybe I could wean off the low does of anti-depressant and kill a whole bunch of birds with one pill.

Maybe, but then again, maybe not. I filled the prescription (OUCH! a tier 3 drug, can you say $25 co-pay?). First thing I noticed was my normally short fuse had suddenly gotten even shorter. Next, the headache starts. It isn’t a show stopper, but a dull throb right behind my eye. I have enough vision problems, I don’t need any more help thanks. Then the sore throat returns. Now, I know a sore throat is not a standard side effect for most women on the birth control pill, but it is for me, always has been. It isn’t a sore throat like on the surface of my throat. It is more like something in my neck is pushing on my throat and making it harder to swallow.

The kicker was the morning I woke up without the headache and much LESS of a sore throat. I realized that I’d forgotten to take my pill the night before. WIthin an hour of taking the pill, the headache and the sore throat were back. Hmmmmmmmmm.

I read the miniprint that came with the pills. Ok, I skimmed it. But I just wasn’t feeling right and was pretty sure that Yaz was the reason why. So, I consulted my good friend Google.

Now, I approached this knowing I was going to find all kinds of horror stories about using Yaz. No one ever gets onto the Internet to say “oooooo, this new medicine is wonderful” (although I should about Zoloft). I found exactly what I expected. A discussion forum where Yaz was summarily lambasted and blamed for EVERY possible symptom known to woman. I did find one post that reminded people that everyone reacts differently to synthetic hormones. More importantly to me, I found the mini print on drugs.com and I could blow it up to a size that I could actually read. As with all medications, there was a side effects list broken down into two groups. One was if you experience any of these stop taking Yaz and call your doctor. The other was if you experience any of these, keep taking YAZ and call your doctor. Guess which group the dull headache behind the eyes falls into? Yep, STOP taking Yaz and call your doctor. I did both.

Within 24 hours I felt more like myself than I had in 20 days. Ok, experiment over. Label this one a failure.

Don’t misunderstand me. Yaz may be the magic pill you are looking for, but it wasn’t a match for this body.

To Holly at the AP, Thanks, but no

Dear Holly,

Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. I’m flattered that you saw something of interest in my writings. I saw the comment last night and have spent some time mulling things over. Much to my own surprise, I’m going to decline your invitation to discuss Elizabeth Edwards.

You are correct, there is no contact information on this blog. It is anonymous for a reason. It is my place to rant and rave about whatever crosses my mind without fear of reprisal. I have other blogs where I identify myself, and I craft my messages more carefully in those spaces to insure the respectfulness that I believe is necessary for our coexistence on this planet. Here is where I blow of my steam of Righteous Moral Indignation. Venting is good, but it is not always conducive to peaceful coexistence. I don’t advertise this blog, nor do I share the URL with people. If per chance people stumble upon it, I welcome feedback, but do not view it as a requirement to continue to write (yeah, I know this seems a little odd in light of my Sally Field post, but tough).

I’m not naive, I’ve probably revealed enough here that someone who REALLY wanted to find me could (no, that is not a challenge to all the psychos out there .

I’m also not afraid of confrontation, and I am more than willing to discuss and if necessary defend my opinions, but in the case of Mrs. Edwards, I have said all I feel comfortable saying at this time. I do not wish to further any discussion of the so called “Mommy Wars“. Not that you were necessarily headed that way, but if I were to discuss Mrs. Edwards, I would like to do so in the context of her work with her husband’s campaign and by conscious choice, I have not been paying too much attention as of late. The election is more than 1 year away, yet both sides of the aisle started campaigning late last year. While I believe in the democratic process, in the immortal words of Dennis Miller, “Hey Cha, Cha, I have a life to lead”. The field of candidates will shake itself out and they will all eventually share their positions of the issues of importance to me, or they won’t and I’ll judge them based on that lack of information. Right now, I have children to raise, a marriage to enjoy and a business to run. Oh and rants to rave in anonymity.

So Holly of the AP, thanks for the invitation, but I respectfully decline and wish you good luck in your continued search.

Reesie

I Feel Like Sally Field

You read me! You really read me!

Thanks to Oh. The Joys for her comment on my last post. I basically lurk on her blog, (even though most days, I am ROFL at her posts) more because of time than anything else. I usually catch up on my bloggy friends while waiting for the waffles to toast and the oatmeal to microwave before calling the rugrats to breakfast. Once the little feet hit the ground, there is no time for typing.

I have yet to set up stats on this blog (pure laziness on my part), so I have no clue if anyone but me is reading this unless you comment dear reader. I’ll do my best to get stats set up soon, but in the mean time, thanks OTJ for letting me know I’m not just talking to myself. To the rest of you (if there are any others), please feel free to comment away.

BTW, don’t miss OTJs posts on Hens with Big Hallways and more recently, Fruit of the Loom. WARNING: Don’t read them of your ribs hurt. Oh, and be sure to have a tissue handy for the tears of laughter that will stream down your face.

Counting My Blessings Today

About this time 5 years ago, we were preparing to sell our house, put most of our stuff in storage, move in with my in-laws and build house next door to them.

My husband was “coming home” to the country and I was leaving all that I knew behind in the city. That isn’t dramatic effect, it is accepted fact. We both new it at the time and although I was reluctant and the change was scary. It was the better choice for our family.

This morning, I want to express gratitude for all the change that has brought me here. I was sitting in the kitchen this morning and my 3 year old, opened the back door and wandered outside to play. He would NEVER have been allowed to roam so freely at our last house.

Just now, my mother-in-law agreed to meet my older child at the school bus so I could take the 3 YO to the only available doctor’s appointment today. We didn’t have that kind of back up until we moved here.

Life is good.

What’s wrong here?

I first read the story about a mother who left her 2 children aged 1 & 4 in a car on an 88 degree day in South Carolina via an AP report. As is typical of AP (by necessity most times), it was a very top level report. I had to know more. I found a detailed article here.

My first response is fury with the mother. What the HELL was she thinking??????? But upon stepping back, maybe she was thinking “Well, it’s 3pm now, the sun will go down soon, and it will be a little cooler then, plus, the kids will go to sleep, if I can get through this shift making barely minimum wage, then maybe we can have dinner for the rest of the week and I can by diapers, but if I call in, they’ll fire me and then we’ll be out on the street. So, it is stay in the car for a few hours or live there for months. Hmmmmm, what to do, what to do.” Desperation can talk you in to doing things you otherwise would never consider.

Everyone must be held accountable for their actions, and this ranks up there with COMPLETE STUPIDITY, don’t get me wrong. But if the woman is working a 3-11 shift and living in an extended stay hotel, then, my guess she probably doesn’t hold an MBA, and quite possibly, she is struggling to make the ends come within the same zip code never mind meet. The availability of affordable, flexible childcare in this country is a HUGE problem.

One that has dire consequences.

Peace be with you Triniti and Shawn.

Someone finally crystalized my thoughts on Elizabeth Edwards

When I first heard that Elizabeth Edwards’ cancer had returned I cringed. When her husband didn’t drop out of the race for president, I got mad. How could he waste what little time he had left with his wife and she with their children on a political campaign?

Then I read interviews with her and I got mad at her! She sincerely believed this was a good idea! My righteous moral indignation went through the roof. What about her children? How could she rob them of a mother? Was she telling them that the plight of the U.S. was greater than their need for a mother? Did she expect that her oldest daughter would step up and be a mother to the younger children. That’s a lot to ask!

Then I got real. Hey, it is their business. It is HER business. I wouldn’t want someone to tell me how to live my life, so I’m not going to tell her how to live hers. Even if she made dumb choices

Then I saw her at Blogher ‘07 and I was really struck by how genuine she was and I was moved by her sincerity. She was very matter of fact and part of me thougth she should be the one running for the White House. This woman has a plan and I’m sure she’s gone to great lengths to insure that her children will be well cared for and loved.

I was out at The Motherhood today (great site stop by if you haven’t) and found a link to Jen Lemen’s site. Jen also attended BlogHer 07 (think I saw her, wish I’d met her), but she had the pleasure of meeting Mrs. Edwards personally. She crystallized my feelings on the situation perfectly. When Jen met Elizabeth Edwards, she said

“I worry about you,” I said, surprised at how emotional I felt putting these thoughts into words. “I know your cancer is back and that you have these little children. I want to be so supportive of what you’re doing, but at the same time I don’t want to participate in something that would diminish this time in your family’s life–your time is so precious.”

YES! YES! that is it exactly. I’m not 100% sure I’ll vote for Senator Edwards, some of what he has to say appeals to me, but I’d hate to think that by voting for him, I some how hastened Mrs. Edwards’ death.

You can and should read Elizabeth Edwards response here. I’m still mulling over my options in the Democratic field, but now I feel like if I pick John Edwards, I can vote for him with a clear conscience.

Thank you Jen for putting words to my feelings!

Hey GM, are you listening?

I attended BlogHer ‘07 in Chicago. It was an amazing conference. Like any conference they had corporate sponsorship. I don’t have a problem with that especially when the sponsors’ messages aren’t SHOVED down your throat. No, at BlogHer, the sponsors were very unobtrusive.

GM sponsored the opening reception. It was delightful. To tell you the truth, I was actually looking for a GM representative, but never found one. I wanted to share some of my desires for my next car, so if no one minds, I’ll just do it here.

I have a 2003 Honda CRV, that I adore. Wen I bought it three years ago, I test drove several GM vehicles, including the Trailblazer and the last of the Blazer’s. While I liked both, there was no way I was going to purchase any vehicle with such atrocious gas milleage.

I live in a area where I NEED all wheel or four wheel drive. The CRV was the best combination of all wheel drive, fuel efficiency and safety for my money.

I’ll own it in a year an plan to keep it for another 2-4 years after that. So GM, you have at least 3 years to build me a car that a) can seat 5 comfortably, 7 on demand, b) has all wheel drive or on demand four wheel drive, c) has good safety ratings AND d)gets a minimum of 25 (preferrably 30) MPG city ( I am painfully aware that none of the mini SUVs get that kind of mileage, but a girl can dream can’t she?). If you can’t do that, I’ll be buying the Toyota Highlander. But hey, and thanks again for the shrimp wrapped in bacon, delish!

BlogHers Act! My Issue

As I mentioned, I’m attending BlogHer this year. BlogHer wants to know about my hot button issue.

Education.

I have a lot of hot button issues, but this is one that I think everyone can get behind and impact locally, and globally.

I live in a state that struggles to adequately fund public education solely through property taxes. Now the courts are involved. Our legislature is up against a deadline and it is getting heated with no real sign of resolution anytime soon.

Kindergarten is not required in our state! Most of those districts that do offer it usually only offer half day programs Helloooo?

No Child Left Behind is a joke. The intentions are good, but the results are disastrous. So, sorry Uncle Sam, but you can’t lay down mandates and set standards expecting to get results without providing adequate funding. The only difference these days is that teachers teach our kids how to succeed on standardized tests. They don’t have time to teach the kids skills they will actually use in the real world.

Oh and don’t get me started on education of the disabled. I live this hell annually with my kids. By law, districts can’t talk about money, but the reality is that the bottom line drives every decision a district makes on a child’s behalf. This has to stop. There also has to be an end to the “learn it our way or no way“ mentality in public schools. I firmly believe this would cut the number of kids in Special Education by at least 1/3. If you don’t get phonics, you are screwed and that just isn’t right. We all have different learning styles and teachers need to be given the latitude, time and resources to teach in ways that accommodate all students. Go listen to Flowers are Red by Harry Chapin.

But education extends beyond our children. Education or the lack of it touches everyone. It is time we made education at all levels more accessible and affordable. You don’t need a degree from Harvard to put a roof over your head and food on the table, but in this day and age, a high school diploma doesn’t even qualify you to live at the poverty line.

Education doesn’t have to be 4 years of college. Education means, mentorships, internships, technical training. There needs to be more of it and at a lower cost. SInce we’ve got so many people that are so far behind the curve, we also need to look at providing resources to support those that truly want to make more of their lives e.g. college dorms for mothers (or fathers) with kids.

The old adage holds true, if you give a woman a fish she can eat once (okay twice, we women are ingenious like that), but teach her to fish and she thrive for a life time.

It is time we gave everyone a REAL chance to thrive.

Blogher, 2007, I’m IN!

I stumbled over BlogHer.org last year. I was intrigued. There was an announcement about their upcoming conference. I drooled, but California was just too far and besides, what business did I have going to a blogging conference anyway. I didn’t even have a blog.

A year later, I have 3, one for my family, one for my ramblings and one for my business. None get a lot of attention, but I’m proud of them none-the-less.

Blogging speaks to me. It is my kind of writing. I love people and I love to know about their lives. Blogs provide snipets or sometimes entire episodes of peoples lives. I’m fascinated.

I love to tell stories too and I’m told I’m pretty good at it, yet some how blogging seems to fall to the bottom of my task list even though it brings me great pleasure.

So, when I saw the announcement for Blogher 2007. I was tickled, then panicked.

I futzed. I fussed. I stalled. I finally asked a friend for a push and she came through, so I’m going.

Can’t friggin wait.

“You say it’s your birthday . . . It’s my birthday too yeah”

I recently had a birthday. While the world thinks big birthdays end in zeros, I typically struggle more with the nine birthdays.
To me, the nines represent the end of a decade. The zero birthdays mark the beginning of the next decade.
When I turned 29, It struck me that I now had a history. A tale if you will. When you are 19, you’ve only just dipped your toe into the pool of adulthood. By 29, you’ve usually gotten stuck in the deep end a few times and you’ve had time to learn. I wasn’t unhappy with where I was in life at 29, but there was so much more I wanted to accomplish and not being a patient person, I was questioning what was taking me so long.

This time, I feel as though I have accomplished many of my life goals. I am still happily married, but now I can add two beautiful children, and a job I love to that list. I’ve contributed to my community, we have a nice home and I am blessed with great friends and strong family ties.

If I die tomorrow (here’s hoping I don’t!), I will have left a positive mark on this world and that is a good feeling. That’s not to say there isn’t more to do.

I hope at the end of my next decade, I can say that my marriage and children continue to thrive. I want to continue to enjoy the work I do and I pray that our family ties only grow stronger. I hope that I get better at taking time for me. As the children grow, I hope we find shared interests that allow us to remain close. I want to get better at knitting. I want to write more. I hope I can work less. I hope we have taken some memorable family vacations.

I guess since ultimatly I can only control what I do, my goals should be about me.

I hope that I continue to explore my sexuality.
I want to read more and watch TV less. I hope my husband and I continue to love and respect each other

I want to kayak. I want to take the kids white water canoeing and rafting.

There is so much potential

Maybe I’ll draw?Paint? Improve my pottery? Finally learn to scrapbook?

Learning a foreign language doesn’t appeal to me. Will I change jobs? I guess I always known that I’m not meant to continue to do the same thing forever, so I suppose I ought to say I wonder what I’ll do next. I can’t imagine going back to work for anyone else. I love the flexibility too much.

I love to learn and I hope I never stop. The day I do, is the day I die.

I want to meet more people make new friends.

Technology will probably always play a role in my life can’t see that changing. I love gadgets.

While 39 is an ending, it is also the beginning of my 4th decade on this planet. I wonder where this roller coaster ride will take me next!